Only joking. It's all about me.
I did the unthinkable. I D&T'd. That's right I drank and
texted. Now, in my defence, this wasn't a fella that had been sat on my
mind (or anything else) for a while now. Not someone I think about on a
day to day basis. But I was out having a rather jolly time with a very
good friend of mine. And maybe it was the headiness of all the giggling,
the mix of wine, Kahlua and the dodgy pizza I had for dinner, in a rather fun stomach cocktail
or because the moon was aligning with Leo, whatever it was I decided it
would do no harm.
I am an idiot.
This very good friend of mine had introduced me to a whatsapp on
the iphone, which I fully recommend to anyone who has one. It is a free messaging service for anyone who has an
iphone. And possibly a blackberry. I don't know. Or care. With this
app you can instant message people and it costs you nothing. Fun.
This service instantly tells you of other people in your phonebook who are also using this
service. For me, there were three. One was he. Mifty mee. Didn't
even know he was still in my phone book. So this conversation with (let
us call him) Mike went like this
me - hey
him - hey :) alright stranger ;)
Now I'm sure you'll agree, already too many smileys to be a message from someone who isn't a dick
me - hows it going?
him - I'm good thanks hun - still single. been working in Essex,
Southampton and soon Birmingham Arrrrgh LMAO - So how's miss Jones.
so many questions starting with why.....
Why did I open this can of worms?
Why did he tell me he was single? Hardly relevant.
Why does a man in his thirties think it is acceptable to say LMAO,
when I imagine there was very little laughing involved, let alone enough
to cause his arse to remove itself from the rest of his body.
I can't of course judge this guy at all, I was the one after all
who got in touch with him. And I don't judge him. But neither do I care
very much. Which is a sign that I have grown up a lot. Specifically in
the last two years or so I would say.
I liked Mike a lot. One hell of a lot. And he hurt me. He made me
think, nay, he told me that he had fallen for me then he walked away.
About two years ago it would have taken me a long time to get over that.
It took me about two days. I read his text message (yes you read
correctly - HE DUMPED ME BY TEXT) and thought - Ok, that's another one to
dust off and walk away from.
I think as women, we can be fooled into thinking that if we hang
about for long enough that maybe he'll come around. I hold Disney fully
responsible for this. He will never come around. If he doesn't like you
now, he will never like you. At least not until you have realised that
he is a dick. Then he will be banging down your door begging for you
to love him. Maybe because he is scared that you have discovered the
well hidden secret that he is a dick, and will share it with the world,
so he must marry you to silence the truth.
Now I am not painting all men with the same brush here, some women are also just as bad. And some of us are stupid.
A friend of mine went on a date recently with a guy who told her he
just wanted sex. He even said to her that if she didn't sleep with him
that night she wouldn't get another chance. She walked away. And we all
laughed about what a dick he was.
He texted her a few days later to say 'that offer expires at 9pm
tonight if you are interested' Can you believe that?!! We all laughed
about what a dick he was.
She slept with him that night.
What a dick.
This is exactly the sort of thing that makes him think that dickish
behaviour like that is acceptable. It is not acceptable. A vibrator
would have been a better choice. Jesus, even a muldy carrot would have
been a better choice.
Anyway. I was working, doing a little bit of promo and I'm taking
the details of a gentleman. A man of about 40. With long, tied back,
greasy hair. With yellow teeth and yellow fingers. Bit of an odd fella. I
was taking his contact details and then he said:
'I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, but I think you are
beautiful. I really do. I would love very much to take you out sometime
and you have my number now so please call me'
I mumbled something about data protection and about moving to Uruguay and took my leave.
I could have course have been
flattered at being thought of as beautiful. I could have. But I am a
woman. We do not operate this way. I was depressed. Depressed that this
man considered me in his league. Thought that he may have a chance with
me. Now this might sound quite a horrible, and quite frankly shallow thing to say, but think about
someone you know who is particularly unattractive. Take a second to
think of someone you know that is just a little bit gross. That you
don't like to sit too close to. If you can't think of someone think
about that person who is always on a night bus. Now if your best friend
said to you , in all seriousness, 'I think you would make a lovely
couple' Would you be flattered or offended? So am I wrong for feeling
like this? I don't think so. Am I ashamed for feeling like
this? Absolutely. Why do I have the right to feel better or more attractive than anyone
else. Maybe I just have the smugness of someone who owns a shower.
I think that's reasonable.
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