For today's little pick me up, I would like to talk about getting old and wrinkly.
Yes, it's something that we've read about time and time again, heard endless jokes about things going south that really have no business being there. The advertising industry feeds off our inevitable decline, wrinkles, hair loss and, gulp, hair gain.
But we all think the same thing, every single one of us young idiots think
'It'll never happen to me'
'My skin is made of a fine balance of plastic and rubber and will stay this pert and bouncy till I am laid up in my glass coffin looking as beautiful as snow white'
Which is why we are taken entirely by surprise when the decline begins.
We shouldn't be. We knew it was coming. It's inevitable. Like Piers Morgan. Slightly less horrific, but equally inevitable.
These days, I won't take my make up off before I go to bed just in case I have a panic attack when I look in the bathroom mirror in the morning.
I think I alone am sustaining the entire global sale of cover stick and foundation. I am frightened to get on a boat just in case the sheer weight of my concealer sinks it.
But what can we do? Accept it as inevitable and grow old gracefully and beautifully like Helen Mirren or Dame Judi?
Let's face it, if I didn't look as beautiful as them at twenty five, I don't have much hope in later life.
Or surgery? Fill my face with enough plastic to make a to-scale model of Buckingham Palace?
Nope... That doesn't appeal really. Except, that maybe Prince Harry could come and live in me.....
Sorry.....That got weird.
I think that we should welcome back with open arms the era of the corset. Sure, we'll have to endure a touch of fainting and the slight blueness of the lips, but think how slim and pert we'll all look! In A & E....
I truly believe that every small line that gets collected on your face over time is a loving wonderful memory to be worn with pride and a big smile. A sign that you have lived a wonderful, enriched life.
Or at least, that is what I tell myself as I lie, face down in my anti-wrinkle cream quietly sobbing....