My Lack of Security

Good morning Chicklets. I hope we are all well, surviving the January Blues.


I have been taking some time out to think about Singledom. This City I dwell in.


I was at a hen party recently. Quite a grown-up affair. A far cry from the learner plates, angel wings and sick-on-shoe type evenings that I am used to. By that, I mean hen-party evenings. Not that that is how I spend my spare time....


We managed to indulge in some frippery though. We managed to persuade a very very beautiful man to get his bum out for the event. I use the word persuade very loosely of course, I mean we paid him to do it, it was his job. Nevertheless.... Yum. I was fully in favour of this lovely evening with an hour or two of looking at a bottom so incredibly perfect I wanted to make a waxwork model of it and keep it in my kitchen.
The issue, was the other ladies in attendance. Meeting the all for the first time, I found them all lovely in their own way, sweet not pretentious, very easy to get on with. I was the only single girl there. One had just moved in with long term partner, one was pregnant, one was married, one was about to get married. Now, I have no issue at all with any of these things (maybe the lady doth protest too much), but I found it extremely difficult to cope with the fact that it was all any of them could talk about. Their men. Their relationships. It's like each of them had no personality of their own. They'd all been to drama school for God's sake! Was one of them acting now? Nope. Could I tell you what any of them were doing? Nope. But I could tell you their partners pet names, how difficult it is to get bedroom decor that both male and female like, and how men eat so much better when they are in a relationship. JE-SUS! I started to feel like a leper towards the end of the night. My god. If I'm not in a relationship then I am not a complete human being! How the hell have I managed to function for such an inordinate amount of time?! I had better do something about it, and quickly, before my clothes turn to rags and I forget how to feed myself! 

It was only upon returning home and seeing single friends, and indeed remembering that I have a lot of friends who are in relationships (a lot of whom are reading this) (possibly) (if anyone is still reading this) who are perfectly capable of having a life outside of the relationship. A healthy happy couple who don't swallow each other up into this abyss. It was then I breathed a sigh of relief and felt able to do up my own shoes in the morning.

Last week, I was on my way home and I see a man on the train. Not just any man. This was Mr Perfect.  This was I-am-having-difficulty-breathing-just-being-in-the-same-carriage-as-this-person. I began to think about how devoted I am to my single lifestyle and my plans to stay so for a good while. What if this guy walked over to me and said. 'Hi there. I would quite like to wrap you in my arms and make you feel like a woman'? (That's right this guy was from a Mills and Boon novel, what of it?) I thought, could I really say, 'oh I'm terribly sorry, I'm just not really dating at the moment, but thank you for taking off your shirt'? After thinking it through for quite some time, I decided that I had no idea. I didn't know what I would do. You just don't do you? Till it happens. Which of course for me, as you can imagine, is about twice a day. In which case I imagine you'll all be surprised and maybe relieved to hear that this guy didn't pay me any attention and got off the train. 


Probably to meet his boyfriend.

I did however face a situation fairly similar only the other week.
So I'm doing some work at a shopping mall and this very handsome security guard walks over to me. Tall, muscular but not too muscular, ginger hair and lovely green eyes. We talk for ages, he makes me laugh, I make him laugh, he asks me when I finish work? Four. Him seven. He asks for my number. I hesitate. My stomach churns. He's lovely. I tell him, I'm sorry, but I'm not on 'The Market'. He shrugs and says 'ah well. Worth a try' then wanders off to rough up twelve year old shoplifters. I can't believe it. How often does this happen? Let me rephrase that... How often does this happen to me? (Yes, as we've established - twice a day). I can't stop thinking about it. Am I an idiot? Then, later, in a different part of the mall I see him being quite intimate with his very lovely, very PREGNANT girlfriend!
If that isn't a sign that I am doing myself a favour then I have no idea what is!