Hair of the bitch

You don't want to be subjected to the ramblings of a hungover wreck so I will avoid this. But I would just like to point out that whilst it is completely my own fault that I am in this mess (along with the aid of the lovely people at the friendship fund for supplying me with wine) I think it is entirely unfair that I am sat next to a girl at work who is also hungover who keeps running off to be sick and whining that she sent a guy that she has slept with once, who then told her that he had a girlfriend, a picture of her boobs last night. I don't need that. Maybe I will kill her. I think this is the only option available to me.
I'll do it later. After lunch. I can't be bothered to get up right now.

So today I was going to discuss hope. Not in an entirely broad sense. Like a philosophy student. 'We can't touch hope does that make it real?' 'Is it hope that sets us apart from the animal kingdom?' If you have ever eaten a bag of crisps in front of a cat you would know that that isn't true for a start..... silly cat. You won't be getting any crisps from me. Now go and make my dinner.

I met a man. A lovely guy, a friend of a friend. We had a nice long conversation about his new boyfriend. He has waited for so long, 5 years, to meet someone he likes, ney, loves who likes, ney, loves him too. To have that feeling of happiness, ecstasy, sickness and fear that love brings. And to know that the other person feels the same. His new boyfriend is a handsome doctor. As an actor that is of course brilliant news for him! And I was warmed.  Warmed and delighted to hear this tale. It is so rare to hear it. So often I come across 'I'm seeing someone, he's quite nice' or 'I am seeing someone, and it's going quite well' or 'I am seeing someone, possibly, I think, well when I say seeing, I mean he knows who I am' And it makes me wonder, why? I mean sure it's nice to have someone about. And we all like a little bit of sex, but if that person doesn't make you want to laugh and cry and dance and be sick and scream all at the same time, then what is the point?
Speaking to this guy, gave me hope. It made me think, 'oh yeah, that's what love feels like' I'd forgotten. You do. In the whole, Ok, this guy is quite attractive, he has a good job, he makes me laugh. I'm sure I could spend some time with him. You forget that that isn't love. It is a fake sudo-love. A sort of love placebo. And what is this bullshit about how you can learn to love someone? Or how love grows over time. Bollocks. Sure it grows, but it has to be there to begin with otherwise, that is fondness. Or alcohol.

So I was pleased. Thrilled. Full of hope.

I was.

Until I was informed by the friend who introduced us, that this guy 'falls in love all the time'. Ah. ok, that's fine. Maybe not so hopeful.
But I still think it exists. True love. I've seen it. I've felt it. So many of my friends are lucky to have found it and I am so happy for them I could burst. Sorry. I've gone a bit greetings card.

On the other hand. Anybody who thinks that any sort of relationship is a good idea, should watch revolutionary road. Bad idea. Bad bad idea.
After seeing that film I was quite happy to eat my meal for one, and stretch myself across my double bed and think 'Thank God'

Yours, probably still drunk, always.