Two's a couple, and they can shove it.

Hello Children.

'What are we going to talk about today Auntie Suzy?'

That's a good question William, let's find out......

I am going to talk about being a lemon. Not the fruit. The outsider.

I have a pet hate, that I am sure (in fact know) I am not alone in. 

Spending time with the dreaded 'couple'.

Now, there is a huge difference between those people who are in a relationship and the 'couple'.

I have many friends who are in relationships who I could spend all the time in the world with. If it's the three of us, it feels like the three of us. There are certain couples I know who make you feel like you are spending time with some form of two headed freak with no interesting conversation. Fun. These people have pet names that they use. ALL THE TIME. They only seem to do everything together. They sit together, fondle each other and only talk about things they have done, are doing or will do together.

They seem to think that the love for each other is so amazing that everyone else will want to hear about it all the time. We do not want to hear about it all the time. We don't even want it sent in a yearly newsletter. Get your hands off each other or get out of my face.

The fact is that with these clingy couples, you are more than happy to spend time with him on his own or her on their own. it's actually quite fun, you have a lovely time. Together it's like they have morphed together and their two brains combined somehow melt into a sort of cheese fondue but with less personality.

What to do? Avoid? Or wait until they are so sick of each other that when you spend time just the three of you they are talking through you?
 

'Suzy, can you tell Neil that if I wanted to hear an annoying grating voice telling me how worthless I am I would call his mother'

'Suzy, would you please tell Kathryn that I have no interest in her dull sarcastic comments and that if she wakes up dead in the middle of the night, it wouldn't have been me that did it, as I am at the back of the queue. Behind everyone she's ever met.'

This generally makes it worth having to go through all the initial lovey dovey stuff I find.

But what about me? What have I been up to?
 

I met a boy. I know. An actual boy. A boy that makes my toes tingle and boobs purr. But don't worry faithful readers, I haven't acted on it. Oh no. In fact the opposite. After a few stumbled, idiotic girly conversations where I couldn't speak in sentences, I bumped into him outside my local large generic food store, wearing a tracksuit, dishevelled hair and no make-up. To top it all off I had been caught in a shower. A very large shower. Making me look a little like the girl from the ring but in an awful tracksuit combo.
 

I saw the fear in his eyes.

We ignored each other.

The steps I take to stay celibate.