Technoeulogy

So. I have found myself for the last week or so in the barren land of no computer. AND no smart phone. Can you imagine?! No facebook, no twitter, no junk mails to tell me how to elongate my penis in order to make my girlfriend happy. I should have paid attention to these, having now found myself with no girlfriend. And a weirdly long penis.

We have all come to rely on this technology way too much (the Internet - not penis elongating devices). It is so difficult to do minor things, view things online, check times of things, watch mystic cat on youtube and all of the wonderful things that help make our little worlds go round.

What did we used to do before we had this ability? How did we function?! If someone asked the question, 'How long can a caterpillar hold it's breath underwater?' We used to have to wait until the following day, or till Monday if it was the weekend, and pop to our local library to dig out a dusty copy of an encyclopedia in the hopes that we would find the answer. 

We would probably not find the answer. 

It is a stupid question. 

But I bet Google could tell you. 

It is now no longer necessary to hold information in our brains because we are able to find out that information at the touch of a button.

Future generations will have to enter www.whatismyname.com every time someone asks, as they literally do not have the brain capacity to store such trivial information.

I no longer am aware when friends are having birthdays as I don't bother to write down this information. Why would I? When I have the friendly Facebook Butler I like to call FB?

As I am happily reading what nonsense people have been up to, looking at pictures of people on camels and noticing that 'Richard has just fallen over in the street LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) ', he wil  clear his throat politely and say -

'Ma'am'

'Yes FB?'

'Were you aware Ma'am, that it is Lady Victoria Rysing's birthday today'

'Gosh Darnit, FB, I was not aware of that, I will leave a little note on her wall that will get lost in amongst all the hundreds of others she will receive. Which, will then, in turn, convince her she is popular as many people have taken the time out of her day to write such notes.'

'Very good Ma'am.'

I am not saying that it is bad that we have reached this stage, for if you think about it many wonderful things have come from it, like being able to order a take away without speaking to a human. It is just weird to realise how much I actually require regular Internet in my life just to function on a basic level.

This past week I have been unable to clean myself, or feed myself and keep ending up in the sea instead of at work.

This doesn't even cover the amount of time we spend Falking (Facebook stalking). I mean what happened to the days when you used to meet someone you liked and you would spend that wonderful exciting time getting to know each other. Your likes, dislikes, how they'll die if they smell honey, you know the usual cute things.

These days you meet someone (and I know I'm not alone here) and instantly add them on Facebook. Then I spend hours scrawling through their profile with a toothcomb (which incidentally should never be used to comb teeth). Driving yourself mental with questions like 'Who is that girl in that photo with her legs around his neck?' 'Why did his status on the 17th October say that he is having a 'great time' does that mean he's a murderer? You know, the usual cute things.

Anyway, I must be off, FB has prepared tonight's Roast Pheasant.