Lovely Jubblies

I want to talk to you about boobs. My boobs. I want to take a second to talk to you about my boobs. 
My jubblies.  My melons. My super duper fun bags. 

Specifically the fact that they are mine. 
This might seem obvious to you but to a number of idiots out there it is not. 

I own boobs. And the pair bestowed to me are on a rather grand scale. And for some reason some men seem to feel the need to point this out to me. 

On a daily basis I will have at least one comment along the lines of 'sexy tits', 'huge tits' and the latest was the poetic 'Hey, lovely big tits!' (These men all have a thesaurus it would appear). 

I have been groped on occasions unfortunately too numerous to count. Certain men seem to think that large boobs are a toy in some kind of bouncy fun factory that they can play with. 

There are so so many things I wish to talk about in reference to this.

Thing number one. 
What do you think you are going to gain from comments like this?
'Oh my God, you are so right! And actually very sexy. I think you and I should go and make sweet sweet love till the sun comes up...'

Thing number two
Why? Why say anything at all? Are some men's response button so absolutely ridiculously shortly wired that they can't walk past a large breasted women without the first thought that enters their tiny tiny brains leaving their disgusting little mouths. I know I have big breasts, you know I have big breasts. I thank you for the information.  

Is this the equivalent of 'Sorry, I think you dropped your wallet?'

'Sorry, are you aware that you have lovely big breasts?'

Thing number three. 
I don't dress provocatively. I am the wrong side of thirty for that. It's best for everyone involved, believe me. So it's not as though I'm 'asking for it'. I was born this way. Well, obviously not born this way, that would have been horrific for my poor mother, I was a big enough baby as it is. But what I'm trying to say is that it is the equivalent of walking past someone and saying 'You have massive ears' or 'Wow! Look at your super hot crooked nose' I'm not trying to draw attention to myself and they are not for you. 

And even if I was showing them off that is absolutely my choice and I should not have to modify the way I dress because some pea brain penis faces cannot control their responses or their hands. These poor, poor men with their Neanderthal brains who can't control themselves. I should wear dark polo necks all year round to not confuse these poor stupid creatures. 5 year olds know not to behave in this way and so should you. 

It makes me so so angry. I am not an object and nor is any woman to be made to feel dirty or guilty for their existence. We are not here for your entertainment and the next man who says something to me along these lines in serious danger of getting the response -
'Hey! My knee is in your crotch!'

Of course this is not all men, but take it from me, the numbers are surprisingly high. But unfortunately it won't be the ones reading this. I'd be surprised if they can read.